the pain called change ...

the pain i felt when you left me was crazy. i never knew pain could be so real. i never knew pain could be so tough, i never knew pain could be so ...... painful. i guess im starting to leaf thru the many different kind of pains that we have. you have that pain where your heart hurts. i literally feel it. when you sit by yourself and you cant stop the tears, no your whimpering your not out of breath you sit very still actually and the tears just keep coming and you feel your heart breaking.
you have that pain that makes you cry uncontrollably, like your chest is hurting your eyes are swollen your head is killing you, and your just so hurt. you have the pain that comes upon notification, thats the killer to me. because i try to act "as if" like hey im "independent" im beautiful ... im "poppin" (hmmmmmmm) ... but when i see you with the next i feel it, that lump comes up in my throat and it hurts to swallow. when im alone and i think about you ... i cry ... when i pass a place we used to go to ... i hurt ....... i never knew that you could be in so much pain. i been over the whole oooooh no matter how much you do for someone they always keep the one that been there and held them down (male/female) because honestly ..... the ones that love you the most tend to be a little more .... "liable to hurt you" and ummm so can you say "selfish" ... yeah selfish ... because the ones you "love the most" ... sometimes feel like your always gonna be there so ... anything goes right .... no wrong .... its called change .... just own up to it whenever your ready .... and be prepared to face one of those pains ... especially the pain of change ...

"inside struggles" ... my thoughts .. a little boggled

never can i pretend to be something im not. whether it's for work purposes for the friend purposes, personal .. etc. etc. etc. ... never i can put on a front ... im too sensitive .. i cry when im affected by something .. i cry when you yell ... i may cry to myself when i dont understand. i always stand strong i always have my moments where you might think ... this girl NiQu3z is a ridah (giggles) ... she always keeps it moving ... but i do put a up a shield. a shield to protect those tears that you may bring ... a shield to protect that outer shell that may to the outside looks like shes a tough girl ... but inside im not that tough .. my heart is worn on my sleeve .. i cant help that i always try to reach out i cant help that i always try to help i cant help that stupidly ... i put others before myself at times. but is there something wrong with that? i thought that when you came across that person (male or female) ... you were supposed to open up and share your world ... that world that you keep hidden to yourself ... that world that you harbor inside where everything is always so perfect ... (gentle smile) .. perfect to the point is no struggles ... i feel that world should always live in you ... because before you can set forth and try to go hard against the reality of LIFE you have to mend the broken pieces inside first, well not the broken pieces but the struggle inside .. (i like that better) if i tend to my struggles inside my shield won't have to be worn the full 24 hours of a day ... (maybe) i want to know where i stand i want to know what i can do and i want to kno my place ... and before i can do all that .. i think i gotta deal with those demons and struggles .. (there goes that word again) on the inside before i can reflect to the outside .... how truly beautiful i am .... NiQu3z

iiM JUST SAYiiN ..

im just sayin ... why do i have to be sterotyped ... is it because the way i dress .. the people that i associate myself with ... the things that i like to do ... im just sayin ... maybe its because of the fact that certain females do things so because i may have the same interests i automatically have to move the same way that they do ... im just sayin ... yes i like to go out to a club every once in awhile ... yes i might enjoy meeting people and going out to lunch or something of the sort .. yes i just might like to dress and walk with a swagg so mean the dead and passed OG's can feel my lean ... yes i may like to socialize .. im just sayin ... i am a pisces .. they call us fishes ... we have that aura ... we like to keep it moving .. im just sayin ... maybe if you stopped judging a book by its cover you would seee ... that i just might be all that you've wanted your whole entire life and im sitting right in front of your face which ive been for quite some time now ... im just sayin ............